I miss you

But I'm glad you are out of my life. I'm praying for the day I don't want you anymore.
That I don't miss you and when I don't long for the sound of your voice.

I wish I cared for you

This random blue swirl reminds me of you.Reminds me that Friday nights mean alot to me. But you never knew the right time to call or what to say or what to do. But that never really mattered anyway because I never really cared for you. I get it now. Why players play, why sayers say and why I need to hold on. I'm still holding on...

I wish this was my time

I see this flower and I see me. Nobody like me nobody I can connect to. I'm lost lost lost and I don't love anyone and I'm not loved in return. I don't want this I don't. I just don't.

I don't know where my soul is.

My mind is always in rewind. Always in reverse, trying to link the things I've done and cement all my memories. Reminding me of the the dumb things I've done.Then I think of you, slowly and surely you are slipping away. I am missing you. I am missing you. I am missing a part of my soul. It will grow back but its missing. I'm missing you.

I long for you

I long for you at all hours of the day.
Especially in the morning. When I wake up. I long to reach for you. To know you are there. I want to run my fingers through your hair feel the remnants of the gel. Stare into your eyes the colour of the ocean as the sun starts to go down. You smell of man from a can fresh and indistinguishable? Musk, goat sweat?
I see other boys who are manlier, taller but you are beautiful the soft place I can rest my head. I want to know you forever. I know I can trust you. I know what moves you what you like, what you hate.

Scream your name

Sometimes I want to scream your name. The way I did when we were together.
Because I want you to hear and know I miss you.
Because I want someone to find me and listen to all I have to say.
I'm so unhappy with you and I'm unhappy without you.

I hate empty spaces

image from http://iwishyouwerehere.tumblr.com

I hate empty spaces they stand for the inability to fill, a place recently vacated. Nothing, where something used to be.

I walk past the last place I saw you, where I hugged you goodbye, there was rubbish on the floor, an empty disused doorway. I couldn't hug you enough to make up for the fact I would never touch you again. You were pulling away because you didn't want to cry and I let you go as I didn't want to hit with you with the full force of my love. I don't want to hit you, watch you fall in love with me, drag me with you as you fell and then not be there to catch me as I fell. So I let you go, and watched you walk away.
I walked away and did not look back but I am drawn to that spot.I hate that spot it reminds me of you and all the times I cried when someone I loved was not there anymore.
The empty space is what you are left with when you are making the last walk through your childhood home to another place and you promise yourself you will come back but you never do.
Empty space is what is left when your he moves out and takes your stuff with him.
Empty space is what you have left when you move away because even though he took evertything he could see, he didn't have you and kept bringing your possesions back, ripped or barely intact hoping you would follow, to save the rest.
Empty space is what you find in the new place because you have an empty walet and empty wallets never filled up empty spaces.
Empty space is quiet and you get used to it and you love again and live again and eveything is full again but still nothing fills that space. So you throw it all away and are back to empty.
Then he comes again and mocks the emptiness and tries to fill your space with everything of his, you beleive him baecuse its lonely and you have needs and his anoying voice sounds better than the silence to which you have been accustomed. And for a time his love was enough to drown out the sound of your own voice begging you to find something old and familiar.
Somewhere you realise that you hate his things and you have lost touch with the things you love and he is not a part of it and you push him out and you are left with the empty space and then there is you.
You are fresh and new and you still don't fill the empty space but you create one and that reminds me that I'm alone in an empy space and I want back the things that are familiar.
I want back the place that I used to be and the peole who I truly loved. I just want back me. I want back my space.