So I can run free

↲So I can run away.Live my life free of you. That's what I'm prepared to do. But it hurts and I hate to hurt me no matter how necessary it is. I would never take a risk or do anything stupid ever, if I could.But I have to, I have to. I just want to promise you that unlike the people you have trusted before, I will always try to take the best option according to my knowledge and within the limited choice available to me.

The things from you

The things that come from you. They inspire me and make me whole. I am needy and run in circles. I love you.

Messages

I look at the messages on my phone. And so it is the person I kissed the person, the one I love and the one I can't forget are different people. What does desire care for the sanctity of a union or treasured desire.
If I do what I love will I get to do someone I can love? I beleive that I have to.

Something I read, that was written for me

I'm free of this feeling, it liberated me somehow. But as I read I was reminded of the despair and desolation. Of the countless ephemeral experiences that have made my life. I'm hungry so I must keep searching, I want to be a farmer of love, I want the wait and certainty of the harvest. Being a hunter gatherer is rarely fun if I barely manage a mouthful of food a day.
I free but I still remember the hurt. I'm not shocked you understand as I banked all my hopes on a beautiful stranger who know the words to say. I have found what I've been needing. I love you.

You deserve love

And so I do. Love is healer so I've been waiting on love to make it all better.I've been so wrong.

If I could stop

If I could stop needing then it wouldn't hurt when people disappoint me. How do I stop needing and will I lose a part of myself if I do? I can't lose myself anymore. ↲I just need an end to this neverending stream of pain. Nothing seems to lessen it. Everything makes it worse. I'm so so tired of feeling sorry for myself.

I want to write a love story

I want to write a love story about me and him. I want a beginning a hiccup where love concers all and for there to be no end. ↲
I'm sick of so many beginnings. The starts that I push out of my mind but I can't just throw away. ↲I write myself but I already have me. I guess I take myself for granted.

should have been me.

You are not here and I'm going to guess at all the things you are doing. All the things you are doing instead of loving me. All the trips you are planning that don't include me. All the texts you are sending that don't come to me. All the birthdays you are planning that are not mine. I want to hold my breath till you come to your senses and love me again. I don't want to breathe without you.

I must keep this secret.

I sit here with the stain of sugar in my mouth. Its all to forget that I miss you. I wish I smoked wear the evidence of my longing on the inside.

The pain of alone

It seems just anyone will do.

I can't believe that I touch you so much. That you are real. I wish I could love you but I can't. You could be so easy to love.

I'm only existing

I'm walking through I see nothing ahead, nothing behind. I keep moving because I see people occasionally go past. So I go in their direction.
I don't know why, it always more of the same thing, nothing.